Hard

It has been so hard to post lately. There is so much going on here in Texas and in life in general. I have been reading other blogs and posting there. STB's posts have been remarkable. He has put so much of himself out there. Volunteering and donating. I believe he walks the walk and talks the talk. Being that he has been down there in the thick of things I wanted to give him props on my blog. While I have donated money and given clothes, food and anything else I could, I have not had the chance to volunteer. Between my job and traveling every weekend to see my Mom and step Father (who as most of you know from my previous posts will not be with us much longer) I have not had the time. My husband is going to take two days off from his job and go and volunteer at the local food bank. I have had the chance to help two people on a personal level. One is staying with a friend and like me is large and since they are so short on bigger sizes I have given her about two weeks worth of outfits. And I have given several t-shirts and big size clothes to a friend whose company is helping out a family and the boys need larger size clothes for school. That has felt great. We have also donated dog food to the local animal shelters. It breaks my heart to see the animals. These people that had to leave their homes some of them had no idea that they would not only have to leave everything behind but they also had to leave behind four-legged family. It is just heartbreaking to see. I love my two little dogs and I think all the time what if something happened and I couldn't get to them, would someone come to their aide. I hope so. My step father is not doing well - they are not going to be able to let him come home - he will be staying in the hospital. They will be able to move him to the hospice floor by the end of the month. The doctor told him when he is moved up there he can have whatever he wants - if he wants a beer, they will get it for him, whatever food he wants, he can have. Whoopie fucking dooo, he can't have what he really wants though, to come home and be better. I understand they are trying to make his last days pleasant but come on... He is trying to disassociate himself from all of us - he has asked hospital not to let anyone see him and he doesn't want to talk to anyone. He has asked for his computer which we hope he will get and send emails on. I hope and pray that he will have a change of heart soon and want to see or talk to us.

All of the above and other things have really stressed me out so if I put some crazy comment on your blog please forgive me. My words are so jumbled lately - I know what I want to say but it does not seem to be coming out right. I am barely functioning properly at my job. I am not sleeping well and am just generally ill - depression. Please pray or send good thoughts to all the people and animals that have been through so much lately - from Katrina or just otherwise in their lives. Please pray or send good thoughts to my step father that he not suffer so much and that he while he can't have what he really wants (to be well, come home) he can find humor in what they will let him have (bring on the beer, wiskey, tequila and steak and lobster) and that he will want to see us all (or at least my mother) before his time with us for now comes to an end. Peace to all. Will blog again soon. Thanks to all my blogging friends who care so much..