CaliforniaBelle

California born mom livin life as a Southern Belle

Friday, April 29, 2005

Another day, another dollar

Paydays just suck. When you work with those who have more than you and they talk about how their check (which mind you is sometimes over $10,000 for 2wks) is not enough, and I think that check would take care of so many of my bills it is not even funny. Here comes my little check and it goes as fast as it came - daughter in college - son living at home again - husband who does not have a clue about what it takes to make ends meet - all wanting something - and me so wanting to make them happy - give them everything they ask for - will figure out how to pay for it later - well it is later now. I just hate when they ask and you have to say I just don't know if we can afford it right now and then there comes this face and I end up saying yes. I just would once like for them to know how it is to have to pay bills and know that you are cutting it so close to make ends meet. It sucks.

Friday, April 15, 2005

Overload

Taxes, work, home, some days there is just too much to do and not enough time to do it. Taxes, done. Payday and all bills are paid for this week. Work is endless. One boss here and one in trial out of town. More work from them than if they were here. Blackberries are bad, old school bosses (those that don't even like their computer) love these damn things because it keeps them in touch with us. I get messages all day, all night from the simple to the complicated. It's like everything they think of, they email you about it. I get more done when they are here. Home, well the boy/man/soldier is trying to adjust to being back in the states is not easy. He has great anger issues with everyone it seems. I know that comes from having to be so aggressive and on guard at all times while he was doing his job in Iraq, so I understand, but others do not. I worry all the time that he is going to get hurt or hurt someone because he still has to learn that if someone does something here (i.e. cutting him off in the road) that they did not do it on purpose and that they have some other goal and therefore need to be tracked down and attacked. Although some dumbasses do things on purposes most of us just don't think about others. Plus he is hot tempered to begin with and where he has been seems to have tapped in to that so much. So he has good days and bad days even with us. Wants our advice but only if we tell him what he wants to hear. If not, then we are talking to him as if he is a little kid who has not lived. We know he has lived but the life he has lived for the past two years has not been a very civil life. He also has problems sleeping (bad dreams)and while we wish he would talk with someone, he doesn't because he is afraid it will go in his "file" and hurt him when he gets out. I can understand that. So we are looking for outside help. My husband (I love him) likes to put his head in the sand a lot instead facing an issue head on which leaves me to deal. He has the mind that if you argue about something and it doesn't get resolved well the next day it will all just be forgotten. I guess he is laid back like that, although it drives me crazy. Thank goodness on this day, I am not having issues with my d

Friday, April 01, 2005

Birthday Boy

Today is my son's birthday, 23 years old. I was a baby myself when I had him, only 19. We have grown up together and learned so much from each other. He will be home with us for a month of mandatory leave after serving in Iraq. We are a little nervous as is he about him living with us again. Him afraid that we will instill old rules on him and us afraid that he might have problems adjusting to normal life again after being military for so long. Regardless the problems if there should be any, we will work through them simply because he is my son and I love him. So happy birthday son, I love you.